Welcome! My guest today is Marianne Elliott, a mouthy introvert who collects treasures and tells tales. She is the National Director for Action Station, a digital platform to enable social action. She rallies fellow New Zealanders to fight for truth, justice, and a kinder way. Marianne trained as a human rights lawyer, and worked in several places around the world before going to the Gaza Strip and Afghanistan.

Stories are her secret weapon and yoga is her medicine. Her memoir, Zen Under Fire, is a moving account of working on the world’s most notorious battlefield and her personal story about the effect of her lifestyle on her relationships. 

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• How Marianne’s decision not to have a child came from a combination of choices and circumstances.
• For many years, Marianne made life choices that didn’t coincide with life as a mother. When she contemplated parenthood, she didn't have a suitable partner with whom to embark on this life experience.
• “Sometimes, the choice is not between A and B, but between B and C.”
• How we control with technology SO many aspects of our lives, but the circumstances surrounding having/not having a child cannot be controlled.
• One of the most hurtful comments is that parenthood alone transforms you from selfish and shallow to caring and compassionate.
• A deep, compassionate heart can be awakened in other ways besides motherhood.
• “Closing the door” on parenthood did bring grief, that this part of the human experience would NOT be a part of her life.
• Marianne saw a therapist for six months to process the decision she’d made.
• Zen retreats, journaling, meditation, and therapy all were helpful.
• The MOST helpful support for Marianne came from a friend in a similar situation, the only person with whom she could be totally honest and transparent.
• Women without children are perceived in stereotypically negative ways.
• Ironically, men who chose to not be parents are not questioned or perceived in the same selfish, negative ways that women are.
• Society seems to define women according to their state of motherhood or non-motherhood.
• Women need to be allies to each other, whether or not they have children.
• Marianne has nephews, nieces, and many children in her life.
• Marianne has an increasingly small number of close friends with whom she has much in common, being in mid-40’s and child-free.
• Social networks DO exist for women in this narrow niche.
• The major benefits for Marianne to not having children are that she can pour herself into incredibly important work.
• She enjoys incredible freedom and flexibility, which allow her to be a support system for many of her friends who do have children.
• Marianne describes herself as an introvert who LOVES to be alone, so she wonders how she would’ve coped if motherhood had come to her.
• Find Marianne at www.marianne-elliott.com, which features her writings and her book about her time as an aid worker in Afghanistan.

I do hope you enjoyed this episode. Please go to michellemariemcgrath.com for more episodes of these valuable conversations. Thank you! 

Welcome! Today’s guest is Cherie Hausler, a freelance food writer, stylist and restaurant owner. She operates from Sydney to Bangkok to the Barossa Valley in South Australia. She lives her life in the fresh country air and is dedicated to experiencing good food in its entirety.

Cherie believes that there are few things in life that can’t be helped with a fabulous cup of tea! Visit www.scullerymade.org to learn about her unique teas.

Cherie shares the following about her life:

• The decision whether to have or not have a child is the biggest and most emotional topic for a woman.
• Cherie has made the choice to not have a child as a result of much “deep thinking” and consideration.
• People assume if you don’t have children that you don’t like children. Cherie says, “I ADORE children!”
• Cherie was adopted, and has met her birth mother.
• Cherie’s parents adopted two children, and then had a biological son who passed away at 6 months. They lost another son to premature birth and then proceeded to adopt Cherie.
• Cherie has experienced the supernatural love of a mother.
• “A mother’s love is an unconditional love not restricted to biology or species.”
• Many women without children are caring, nurturing, and mothering.
• Cherie has felt some pressure from others to have a child, and even worked as a nanny for 9 years. She has loved and looked after many kids.
• Cherie has learned that there are over 45,000 children in Australia in foster care due to the breaking down of the family unit.
• Cherie is also sensitive to the issues about our planet and our natural resources being depleted.
• She looks at the bleak lives being lived around the world and has decided to put her love and care into the lives that already exist in the world.
• Consider how many disposable nappies (diapers) are sent to landfills around the world!
• Having a child is a much bigger issue that “just having a child!”
• The creative force that all of us feel can be manifested in other ways besides creating a child.
• Sometimes the creative urge that women mistake for the desire for a child is the desire to create something else! An idea to consider.....

Find out more about Cherie at www.scullerymade.org

I do hope you enjoy this episode. Please subscribe at michellemariemcgrath.com and share with a woman who would benefit from this wisdom. Thank you! 

Welcome and today's guest is Lisa Manterfield!

Lisa is the creator of Life Without Baby.com and the author of the award-winning memoir, I’m Taking My Eggs and Going Home: How One Woman Dared to Say No to Motherhood. She offers workshops and popular e-books.

Her new book, Life Without Baby: Surviving and Thriving When Motherhood Doesn’t Happen, is recently available. She lives a contented life in southern CA with her husband and cat. Lisa has successfully created an online community that gives a voice to those without children. Let’s chat with Lisa!

In this episode, you’ll hear the following:

• Lisa’s child-free life is not really by choice, but by circumstance. She always wanted and expected to have children, but experienced fertility issues and a unpleasant fertility clinic encounter.
• She and her husband came to the realisation, “We ARE already a family—just a family of two.”
• Lisa explains the anger, grief, and confusion that plagued her for a long time.
• The loss of any hope of biological children was a HUGE loss that no one around her knew about.
• You have to give yourself space and permission to grieve the loss of plans and dreams.
• Lisa never set out to write her book about her experience; she was primarily a fiction writer. The book was an outgrowth of her personal healing process.
• “I just needed to tell my story.”
• Her 2^nd book is the How-To resource that she couldn’t find when she needed it most.
• Regarding prying questions that others sometimes ask, Lisa felt defensive, hurt, and embarrassed about her inability to have a baby.
• Her advice is to prepare some stock answers to those questions and pick whichever one you’re in the mood for!
• Some of the myths that Lisa has dealt with are: “you didn’t want it badly enough if you stopped trying,” and “you just have to keep on trying.”
• Lisa’s meaning and purpose comes from her writing and the freedom she has to do things she wants and needs to do, like being available for her aging mother.
• She enjoys the life she now leads with infinite possibilities for travel and living ANYWHERE!
• Lisa hopes her writing will be her legacy.
• “I want to live as fully as I can and care deeply about those who are important to me.”
• An added benefit of her lifestyle is the deep friendships with others that might not be as possible or as accessible if she had children, as they don't have the same amount of time available.

Grab a copy of Lisa's new book at http://amzn.to/21QjrxA

Find out more about Lisa and her work at www.lifewithoutbaby.com and www.lisamanterfield.com.

I do hope you enjoyed this episode. Thank you so much for listening. For more episodes go to michellemariemcgrath.com